Testing the Facebook Yente

I have a new plan: Facebook Yente Project, where I use Facebook to play match maker.

Here's the poll I put on Facebook to test the idea:

On LinkedIn, it's common to use your connections to introduce you to people they know. For instance, if I was in law school and interested in figuring out which law firms might be a good fit for me, no one would blink an eye if I asked my friend Mike Easter from high school to connect me with his friend Hugh Louis Dewey at Law Firm Dewey Cheatem & Howe.*

But on Facebook, we don't do that. (Or at least no one I know really does.) No one says to me, "Hey Sarah, I see you have that really funny friend L. Ron Cupboard, would you mind introducing me? I think we'd hit it off!" And what about dating? Friends of friends are a fantastic dating pool, yet it's untapped!

And, wanna-be Yente that I am, this is confusing to me. Hence this poll. Because with Facebook's new Graph Search, you can do some pretty cool searching based on location, relationship status, age, etc.

Question 1: Let's say you have a lot of awesome single friends. As it happens, I also have a lot of awesome single friends. For the purposes of this question, let's assume that our awesome single friends would like to be less single. (Not that there is anything wrong with being single! Glen Coco is single and he seems to do OK! #yougoGlenCoco) Let's say I used Facebook to identify a potential match and then asked you to help me set it up. (Assuming here that you thought the compatibility seemed good.)

Would it be weird? Would you help?

• Yeah, not gonna lie, it would be kind of weird, AND I probably wouldn't help you. 
• Yeah, not gonna lie, it would be kind of weird, BUT I would totally help! 
• Nope, this would not be weird, it would be AWESOME. 

Question 2: Let's say YOU are a single person (who wants a date/relationship/thing), and I approach you about this Facebook-related match-making.

Would you go on the date?

• Sure, why not! 
•  Nope. Too weird.

Want to take the poll yourself? Go here: http://apps.facebook.com/my-polls/facebook-yente

Excited to see how this goes!

*All names courtesy of the Car Talk Staff Credits list.

Where are all the good guys?

I realize that straight single ladies all over the country/world are asking themselves this question, but as a queer about-to-be-married lady, I literally have no clue, so I'm starting from square one: Where are all the good guys?

I imagine, of course, that it depends on the gentleman/dude/guy. If he is laid back and chill, he may be waiting for fate to work its magic. But let's say you were a nice, fairly normal, self-aware man who likes women and actively wants to find one to date. You don't like bars because you're a little too intellectual for the superficial meat market, and online dating is exhausting.

Where do you go?

Men-in-relationships... where did you meet your lady? Were you looking for a date? Or was it more of a stumble-upon-thing? How do single guys in their late 20s and early/mid-30s actively seek relationships?

*And by relationship, I mean the following: Someone you are seeing regularly that you have mutual respect for and a mutual understanding with that you are both awesome and like seeing each other. I don't mean frequent hookups, and I don't only mean married.

ETA: No, I am not just looking for Jewish men! I am looking for all good guys. I just like to excuse my match-maker-y nature by attributing it to my Jewish cultural heritage.

Gentlemen and dudes of Boston!

Where the heck are you?

There must be lots of decent, good-hearted guys in Boston who are single... but also looking for a real relationship with a nice woman. Is this delusional of me to think? Being gay, I don't really have experience with the straight dating scene... Really, it all boils down to the fact that these are two awesome women, and it's a shandeh un a charpeh ("a shame and a disgrace," as my fellow yids say) that they haven't been able to find their match. Not that they're less amazing or somehow complete without them! No, they both have full, wonderful lives. It's just that I'd love to see them each have someone excellent and fantastic to share that with (ending prepositions be damned).

If you know of suitable candidates (or are one yourself!), please email i.am.a.yente@gmail.com. 

Work/life balance... of other people's love lives...

It's difficult to be a yente when work explodes all over your social life. I haven't had much time to peruse the internet in search of nice gentlemen. Such a bad yente I am! However, a nice gentleman friend of mine (and fellow yid!) pointed me towards a potential resource: www.npluspersonals.com

A brief scan reveals that it is EXCESSIVELY nerdy, which means it's a wonderful fit for Lady #1. It's an off-shoot of the magazine n+1, which is all about politics, literature, and culture (from a super nerdy perspective). It's rather NYC-focused, but the optimist in me thinks that means the potential Boston dating pool is that much smaller. Looking forward to submitting something (or encouraging Lady #1 to) as soon as the work hell dies down.

The quest continues...

So where, exactly, can I find good men?

I realize that this question has been plaguing single straight women for decades (centuries? millennia?), but somehow I feel entitled to ask it yet again. Seriously, where are they? And how on earth do I reach them in my yente state?

Using dating websites like Match and OKCupid probably won't work, since there isn't a way for me to post what I'm doing without kind of posing as a lady looking for a man. Which I'm not. I'm a dyke looking for a gentleman... to date my friends.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

When I initially put the first post up, I was so excited-- we had 3 responses within 30 minutes! And a couple of the guys even sounded decent! But then Craigslist drama ensued...

The first post went up.
It got flagged.

I found out that flagging happens for one of two reasons: Either you're violating CL policy, or you're violating some unspoken CL community rule. Turns out, there is an unspoken rule that you don't post for your friends in the personals section. So I reposted in miscellaneous romance.

That got flagged, too.
Finally, I went for strictly platonic. Being Craigslist, of course, it isn't strictly platonic at all. But it tends to be less... sketchy.

Now the responses to the ad have stopped entirely. I sent one potential candidate on to Lady #2. We'll see how that goes.

But holy mackerel, Craigslist is so sketchy. And by sketchy I really mean, 100% focused on men getting laid. The last time I used Craigslist was when I was single and looking to date another woman, and wow, women are much less overt about their interest in getting laid. It's there, of course, but we're more willing to cushion it with things like dates and getting to know each other. The men of craigslist, on the other hand, are mostly just lazy and horny:

looking 4 someone REAL!!! (35, Boston)
i'm a nice guy just got out of a long term relationship, looking for someone REAL to get some drinks and hang out, maybe more. if you're game, send an email with the word real in the subj line so i know your not a bot or spam.

This is not a real ad, but it is representative of many. Guys just put up short, lazy things like this, hoping that something will come through. Why someone looking for a serious person and a longer-term relationship would email a guy who can't even write three sentences about himself and put up a picture, I don't know.

the original post

Okay so here's the deal: I am a queer lady happily in a long-term monogamous relationship. BUT: I am also Jewish, and when I see excellent people who are single, it's a calling. So here I am, screening potentials for my good friends. (With their permission and blessing.)

Here are your options: Two completely different women. Both fantastic.

Lady #1:
30 years old. Librarian by day, lover of nerd rap and latin translations by night. She enjoys delicious food, intellectual conversation, and witty banter. Particular about her cocktails, she's the kind of lady who appreciates a trip to a museum or seeing a movie and then dissecting it over dinner.

For her I recommend: A nerdy gentleman. An excellent conversationalist, he could stay up all night analyzing film noir or just discussing the merits of an excellent beer. Dapper and smart.

Lady #2:
29 years old. Low key awesome, she has a secret feisty streak a mile wide. Her laugh is infectious, and she's game for anything. Flash dinner mob? Absolutely. Wander around an arboretum? Sounds lovely. Really, she's the kind of woman that you want on a desert island; whenever you need it most, she'll whip out a snarky comment or a much needed corkscrew.

For her I recommend: A laid back dude who's funny, extroverted, easy going, and kind. He can talk Jersey Shore in one minute and History Channel in the next. Equally likely to spend a Saturday working on some crazy new project or just appreciating the view outside his window. Not a vegan.

If one of these ladies is your style, please email i.am.a.yente@gmail.com with a few details about yourself and a proposed date idea. I will vet all proposals and pass on prospective suitors. Only the best for my friends, though, so be awesome.